Self Inflicted Pain

You know those little bitty scabs you get from say running into a holly bush or something? They hurt a lot when it happens, the pain goes away pretty quickly but the scabs remain? You don't even realize they're still there until you bump into them and you say "oh that hurts." That's the kind of emotional pain I've been in for a while now. The thing is, I can't will it to stop. If that was the case, I'd be shooting rainbows and lollypops out my ass. Instead, some days I wake up and wonder what the hell happened this past year? I met someone, it was wonderful for about half the time and the last half not so good. It still amazes me that I thought I knew someone so well and we shared so much and later to find out how much I was deceived. I wish in a way I could hate that person, but I can't. I gave him my heart. I truly believe, though, with gifts given we don't get to dictate how the person uses the gift. I don't want to stop giving gifts because of how the receiver used the gift.